I keep grasping at something that’s never going to be conveniently within arms reach.
I don’t understand how people can so easily allow people in and out of their lives. Investing time and energy in someone who has no intention of sticking around is more expensive then all the Louie v bags in Canada. The idea that we allow people to siphon our energy just to leave us empty and alone is terrifying. Could you imagine if we used the energy proactively, instead of stressing over boys and girls that run game we used that time to actively love ourselves. We used that time to enrich our minds; we used that time to become whole. I read something online today, that we need to stop comparing our lives to others because we, each and everyone one of us, have different time zones. Our lives are based on a plan that was outlined before our bodies formed, and I’m sure there’s an atheist out there that will say other wise but that’s okay. Each and everyone of us follow our own life line, time zone, path; whatever you want to call it. I’m 25 years old, I’ve said it before but I truly believe my life came to a sudden halt over ten years ago. I still feel like I’m learning about the world; being trapped in depression and anxiety is a lot like living under a rock. I have to re-learn society, re-introduce myself to the world; I have to learn to live again. And that’s hard.
People will say I wasn’t stuck in a certain place, but they do not understand. I wasn’t able to move forward from the pain, from old feelings, from old people, from things that tied me to my old life. I stayed infatuated with a boy who didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him, I cowarded away from places that reminded me of the guy who sexually assaulted me, I kept all my pain trapped inside and I relived it. Yes the world kept turning, people aged & situations changed but within me nothing was different. I was suffering and not living.
So, here I am almost 26 feeling the same way as I assume I would of after graduating highschool; unsure of what to do now.