“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV
Love is such a normal human – mammal thing yet my generation seems to fear love, myself included. Or perhaps I am not afraid of love, I can express my love to the people I keep close to my heart but the idea of allowing another part time person to dwell within the walls of my heart scares me to the core. My fears run ramped because no one understands the true meaning of love, or that just because its not the way it was at the beginning of the relationship, that hot and fierce kinda love, it means that you no longer have a connection or that you have fallen out of love. This immature love is what 90% of my generation considers “real love” and its not. Real love is enduring, it is deep and comforting; it encourages personal growth and is ever lasting. I crave the comfortable love, when the butterflies and pounding heart no longer takes away your breath because their love is like oxygen and it encourages you to breath.When silence is no longer awkward, when you can be as open and honest with each other, when you know you’re relationship is built on more then just the idea of being together and the lust that fuels our entire world. I am tired of this immature love, the love that has no promise of tomorrow or growing old together. I want love that lasts, that lifts me when my anxiety and depression pushes me down. Love that encourages, empowers and helps both of us grow. I crave the love that fights through the lows, the disagreements and prevails everytime; a love full of trust and compromise. A relationship in which we are still two separate people with lives outside of our relationship but we work together to better ourselves and each other, to make a life that is harmonized and beautifully ours. I dream of a love ever lasting and strong, a love that will break through any barriers or obstacles that this world may throw our way. I dream of the kind of love Shakespeare wrote about, that Nicholas Sparks based novels on; a love that strengthens your soul and gives you the courage to be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable isn’t my thing, I haven’t been able to allow my heart to be open and inviting since B, and I don’t think I’ll ever will be a hopeless romantic again. I use to dream of love, of finding my “prince charming” and living happily ever after; these dreams don’t come around anymore. I wish they did, I wish I could open up and stop allowing my past to control my present and future. But I guess I tend to let my past control all aspects of my life..