2015

Dear 2015.

You are ending just as you started, in a flash. I cannot believe we are going into the first week of 2016 in a few days, that a new year is already almost among us.

I can’t say you were my favorite, that you weren’t one of the worst years of my life, but I can say you taught me a lot about life, about myself and the sobering fact that tomorrow is never promised. When you started, in the deepest parts of my soul I knew you would take my dad and that this was gonna be a dreadful year. That you were going to throw things at me, things I would and would not be able to deal with; and of course that’s exactly what you d4630fa22ebc4f95d679fde53cf60648d.jpgid. However You allowed me to grow, and to learn and prosper. You gave me the chance to excel in a position that would lead to a promotion. You showed me that people, even the least approachable, can surprise you in good ways. That you can find friendship and comfort in the least likely places. You discovered the bravery I forgot I had, the courage to speak up about things I use to keep to myself. You helped me heal yesterday’s pain, and you taught me to forgive (Well to an extent, I’ll never forgive my dads egg donor). You showed me that true friendships last, even if you don’t speak often. That people are more caring then my anxious mind let me believe. You’ve taught me that people will reach out to you in times of need, even after years without contact. You allowed me to discover the true colors of the people I looked at through rose colored lenses. You have been a year that I will never forget, not just because you took my dad but because of everything you taught me, everything that came out of this year and everything that helped me grow. I’ll never want to live this year over, but I won’t ever suppress the memories either.

***

I haven’t written in a while mainly because these past few weeks have been difficult. Christmas, the beginning of a new year and dealing with depression and anxiety that would kill me if I gave it the power to. However, I’ve decided that I need to escape from this funk I am in. A few months ago I wrote a post titled 25 things I’ve learned from life in light of my 25th birthday. 2015 has been a year of change and growth for many people including my self, and because of this I am going to write about 5 things 2015 has opened my eyes too.

 

  1. Life doesn’t follow your plan – We go through life with a plan, a made up to-do list that we think will fall gracefully into place because we want it to. This doesn’t happen, Life has its own agenda it will not follow a set plan, it will not be predictable and of course it will throw you off course.  While this is insanely hard to deal with, it will teach you something eventually.
  2. It’s okay to show emotions – People aren’t able to read your mind and often just want to help. By expressing what you feel you will be astonished at how much better and less alone you feel.
  3. You are not indestructible – You are just a fragile being in a world of hurricanes and natural disasters. You will be thrown and stepped on, you will acquire bruises and scars and hopefully you will live through all the terror the world throws at you.de0c761fa2e90c5ef00dfc2eb3aee61a.jpg
  4. The people who you love the most have the power to hurt you the most – Read that again, The people who you love the most have the power to hurt you the most. The people you give your heart to, the ones that know you would bend over backwards for them will acquire the power to break you. Without warning, and sometimes without them knowing they will rip your heart into 10,000 pieces. Don’t become cold because of this. Learn to be selective with your heart, with your love.
  5. And lastly; Never, ever take a single person or day for granted – We are only given a certain number of days, a life with numbered pages; everyone’s book ends at different times and sometimes it ends in a “cliff hanger”. Remember this because although your days are also numbered, and your book may be nearing its end someone you love and care about could be one chapter closer to the end. You will kick yourself, everyday for not spending more time enjoying them, enjoying the story of your life, the story of their lives. I know I do, I wasn’t around enough to make lasting memories with my dad, I allowed my anxiety and depression to steal so many pages of my story and I hate it. So Please, Never take anything for granted. Be thankful for your lows and highs, be thankful for each sunrise and feel blessed that you are able to greet the moon as the sun sets.

 

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My hope for this new year is to become the person I want to be, the person I was destined to be. I know I’ve said that many times before, and every time I disappoint myself and retreat back into my old destructive ways but this time I hope I’ll have the courage to see it through.

 

 

Happy New Year Everyone, and I hope your dreams come true this year.

 

 

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