Dear my amazing, strong loved ones. 

I am beyond blessed to have you, have people that will be my back bone when mine has turned to jello, to calm me down when anxiety takes over my mind; when my depression clouds my heart. 

I am sorry, sorry that on some days I am overly anxious and so lost in my own worries that I don’t have the energy to text, or the strength to leave my mostly-safe home; That I cannot answer your phone calls or be spontaneous. That I am selfish and boring 80% of the time. 

But I appreciate you, your strength and your support. Your to-the-point advice and the time we spend together that gives my mind a break from the war that’s going on inside. 

To those I’ve lost, those I haven’t given a chance to and those I’ve hurt

I am beyond sorry that my anxiety has hurt you, that I am so lost in my own self-hate, anxiety and depression that I couldn’t explain to you what is going through my mind. How little things set me off and I shut down, how I push the entire world away on my bad days and usually that’s when I hurt, disappoint, stand-up and avoid you. I have the greatest intentions that “tomorrow” I will find the strength to over come these anxious thoughts, that I will no longer hurt the people around me, yet this day has yet to come.

I am sorry that I am the type of person that doesn’t ever text first, call you back or ask to hang out. I hope you know this isn’t because I don’t want to talk to you, but because I am worried that I am bothering you. 

One day, soon I hope, my anxiety will no longer stop me from living a normal life. I hope that I will be able to all I know I can be. Until then I apologize to and thank everyone who is still in my life. 

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