I no longer want to feel you anymore. I understand you come around when we lose someone or something we love but I don’t want you here anymore.
I want to feel like myself again. I want to be motivated, to be happy. I want to interact with people, feel emotions again; emotions other then sadness. I want to be able to go a day without tears blurring my vision
I want you to leave me alone. I know your only doing your job but I don’t want you to effect my life anymore. My heart and soul is so blackened by your shadow, you bare all your weight on my lungs making it almost impossible breath let alone even move.
And I know it’s not your fault
Just like death, there’s a time in which you have to visit, and just like death everyone reacts to you in their own way. I do not want to dwell in your home any longer. I do not want to feel you around me, inside my heart or feel you in my dreams.
dear Grief just as my dads time was up, yours is to.
Grief counselling is the only thing I can think of that will get me out of this nightmare. Even in my dreams I am only re-living my past, when my dad was healthy. I hang on to the people and things that were here when he was. I am so unmotivated at work, in life. Do I care to do anything but lay around? no. My house, my room and basically everything else in my life is a disaster. My mind races; like it’s trying to win a race that never ends. Sleep gives me no rest, rest gives me no peace.
Although I am not interested in paying someone to ask me :”how I’m feeling” I know that I need someone who will talk to me through this, because sad faces and emjois only go so far when you crave interaction but are terrified of it.
Daddy please give me guidance. I’ve never needed you more then I do now.