Nothing is more frustrating then loosing something you spent time writing.
The day my dad passed away I wrote a blog post on Blogger titled love.
I’m going to try to remember exactly what I wrote, but it won’t be the same.
I’m constantly torn between what I should, and shouldn’t share. How am I suppose to help myself when I pride myself on helping others. How is my pain more then someone else’s? How is my loss more then my moms?
Yet when I try to express that to other people it seems like what I feel is wrong. That loosing a father is worse then loosing a husband.
I will never see it that way.
People say that blood is thicker then “water” but is it? I think “water” is a deeper connection then blood, it’s a choice. We did not fall in love with him, or promise our lives to him. He wasn’t our bestfriend, our partner in crime — I mean life. His loyalty and his choice to stick around weren’t mandatory, his choice to love my mom through the fights and through the changes wasn’t an obligation. He grew old with my mom, they saw each other everyday, that’s more then his siblings or mother or even my sister and I can say.
He is an awesome father, but he prides himself on being a loving husband. His love is what kept him alive. He did not fight to stay alive for his siblings and egg donor, I hate them, or my sister or nephews or I. He did not fight for any other reason then to have more time with his wife, he lived his life for my mom. He is the only man Ive ever met that could tell you his wedding anniversary, the song play during their first dance, and his wife’s birthday without a second thought.
This part was never added at the time because he was still alive.
If I only remember one thing about him it’d be the way he loved my mom. If I’m ever lucky enough to meet a man that loves me as much as my dad loves my mom I’d be beyond blessed.
I got to thank him for that, through tear soaked eyes, and I’m so grateful I had him as a dad. He was more then we deserved and I wish I realized that while he was still here; because even through all the mean things he said and the terrible things he did, all the fights and tears it all just disappears when I think of his love. Rest in sweet peace daddy. Your free of pain and suffering now.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;”
Psalms 46:1-2 KJV